When UK Porn stars partied on a boat – UKAP Summer Party
Through either a matter of luck or excellent planning on the part of the party hosts, today had begun with temperatures in London hitting 29C/84F and it was feeling almost like it was California-type weather. [California actually happens to be a huge state, so the weather actually varies a whole lot, depending upon whether you happen to be North or South in the state. We don’t want to get too technical here, however, because we still need to remain mindful of the basic elements here. For example, we actually had to ask Mav specifically what “UKAP” stands for. According to him, it means, “UK Adult Producers” which in our world could make it “Ucky” … but he probably wouldn’t get the humor (read: “humour”) in the American slang.]
Arriving early at the venue, I entered to find no one there. [Wow. Apparently they don’t have the “fashionably late” concept over in England. Of course of all the words we could use to describe Maverick’s team, “fashionable” wouldn’t be high on the list, come to think about it.] So rather than get arrested for trespassing, I headed back outside and enjoyed the cool breeze coming from the river Thames (and trying not to breath in the smells coming from it). [For all you painfully American folks out there, one pronounces the name of that river as “Tems” – rhymes with hems. Weird, right?] The venue was the same as the previous party which had even been on the same barge located in London. This time the tide was out so we would experience the boat rocking. [Boats don’t rock on the water at full tide there? How odd.]
The party hosts arrived, and after making sure my name was on the list (which it was), I headed to the bar to get a cold beer to counteract the heat of the day. [Sure. That’s the only reason we all drink beer too – just that “heat of the day” thing. Maybe there’s something to this “California-type” weather after all. Who knew?] Soon stars were beginning to arrive with one of the first being Crystal Pink. You may remember her from when we attended a party in Potter’s Bar a couple years back. (Read up here to refresh your memory.) Just ten days earlier she’d gotten a new set of boobs [installed] and showed them quickly. Sadly I didn’t have my camera to hand, but we’ve made a mental note to photograph them one of these days. [For those of you that don’t know Maverick and find yourself confused by this, you need to understand that he’s been known to start an event with two beers, one in each hand, thus not leaving one free to operate the camera. Apparently he gets really, really hot sometimes.] Yeah, I know, the camera should have been out and ready … but I had a beer on the go. [Sure he did. He had “a beer” with him. Of course we can’t prove otherwise, so we’ll just have to accept that explanation. … Maybe he’s learned more from the risqué folks than he lets on, actually.]
The venue owner had a dog that both licked everyone that came near it and got the attention of every female star that came through the entrance to the party. [No word yet on whether Mav has his new dog yet, but that seems to be in the works.]
Once again providing the music was performer and DJ, Michelle Moist. [Really? That’s the best name she could come up with? … She should come visit us here: We can help her … purely for altruistic reasons, of course.] Sadly, we didn’t get a flash of what was under her outfit as we did last time, but she still posed for a couple of pictures. Must remember to get Michelle in front of our camera for the site with less clothes on. [You could also check to be sure she brings her own towlettes, but maybe that’s too much of an American phrase, and she wouldn’t get the joke. … See? Once again she clearly needs our assistance.]
The place was slowly beginning to fill up with guests. Arriving among them we spied Holly D, Shay Hendrix, Loz Lorrimar (in an outfit that made her the spitting image of Marilyn Monroe) and Syren Sexton. [I get the wanting to look like Marilyn thing, but if Shay really looks at all like Jimi Hendrix, she’s probably got some other issues getting work. Do you think that she performs while playing the guitar naked?] The party was turning into a Who’s Who of the UK industry. There was a lot more networking at this party with lots of models talking to each other, producers and photographers. [We were going to ask Mav how industry “parties” usually transpire over there, but then we decided that none of us was brave enough to hear the answer. You’re just better off not knowing some things in life.]